Reviews by Gonz

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Some cigar brand names will transcend time, no doubt - 5 Vegas (obviously), Montecristo, Perdomo, Cohiba, Punch, Hoyo de Monterrey, Brocatus (??).  Wait, what was that last one?  I'm not even sure how to pronounce it.  Where is the emphasis?  On the "o", the "a" or the "us".  Bro-cah-dus or Bro-cay-tus or Bro-cah-toos.  I don't know, be creative, whatever, but umm, that's actually a cool name.....

....start-dreamscapes 2007.....

if I were king, I want a cool name, something that will forever be remembered in the cellar of history, and preferably something related to my favorite hobby - no, not porn, get your head out of the gutter - cigars you wise-ass.   Let me think, "King Gonz" - probably won't cut it, "King 5 Vegas" - um, damn if that sounded good I like it, "King Brocatus" - hey now, that sounds cool.  "King Brocatus has entered his throne - lift the toilet seat now!"

....end-dreamscapes 2007....

Anyway, not sure if you know this, but this brand is one of the most heavily counterfeited brands on the market.  You'd think I was kidding, but it's the only explanation I can come up with as to why the maker would put the words "The Original" in script on the band.  "The Original Brocatus" - yes! that clearly legitimizes this brand.  If you believe that, I've got a rich uncle in Zimbabwe that will wire you 10 million dollars, just send me your bank account number and I'll promptly forward it to my rich uncle.

OK, now that I've promptly wasted 5 minutes of your time, let me tell you a little something about this phenomenon called Brocatus.  Like most geekers, I feel the need to explain in logic flow format....Part 1 - cheap!  Part 2 -gentle!  Part 3 - yummy!  Part 4 - buy it now!  Here it is in proper logic format:

IF Part 1 AND Part 2


     Part 3

     Part 4


     GOTO Part 1

For those of you without 20 years of programming experience, I'll remove the lingo.  I thought Brocatus was going to be an ordinary backyard chewing, spit up and not taste it kind-of cigar.  I was soooo wrong.  I saw the reviews pile in from folks saying this was the shocker of the century.  I'm a convert, no doubt.  You'll get a chalky-white, firm ash from a smooth cigar that burns consistent, even, and full of good-time everyday flavor.  The gentleness gives it a burn-anytime quality.  The consistency has you coming back for more, and the price seals the deal.  Just a buck+ per stick.  Give this and the silly name a chance, King Brocatus is right-on for this one.


Light'em up,

- Gonz